Gondalo's Glowup
These one act plays were written in groups, with one writer setting the vision for the play as a whole. This group was assigned to write a shakespearean comedy, which explains the language.
On some level, I think we are all Gondalo.
Gondalo’s Glow Up
Scene 1:
The scene starts in a math classroom. A fat boy stumbles in and face-plants in front of his crush (the most popular girl in the school).
Audrey: (in a disgusted tone) Eww! Go fall on another who’s thy own size, filthy vermin!
Gondalo picks himself off of the ground
Gondalo: (in squeaky voice) Apologies! Um… hey (coughs, Gondalo’s voice deepens) Greetings charming dutchess. Would thou be interested in a viewing at the theatre?
Audrey: (sarcastically) With pleasure, I shall definitely go out with thou…
Audrey walks away
Gondalo: Great! Tomorrow then, 5:30!
Gondalo jumps up for joy when his feet come out from under him and he falls on his face once more. Tom walks up to Gondalo.
Tom: That performance went swell, wouldn’t you agree?
Gondalo: I hast made the dutchess love me.
Tom: Of course, Sir Gondolo Joe
Gondalo bows before face planting again
Gondalo: I must remove this backpack. It curses thy to tumble.
Scene 2:
Audrey is in science class, talking to her friend Tiffany. She is trash talking Gondalo.
Audrey: He's disgusting! His large stature proves to be a nuisance to our world. I might not, but perhaps I shalt make a fool of that gent, if even that you shalt call him. Thy is m’re a blob of slime. My foot ought to be broken after such mass was brought upon it.
Tiffany: What do you propose?
Audrey: We shall turn his brethren against him. Tom will feel repulsed when Gondalo is brought to thought. And this shalt destroy Gondalo and his oversensitive heart.
Tiffany: Impressive thought! But how will thou complete thy mission? ‘Tis a difficult task to break such a bond. Wilt thou be able to overcome the challenge?
Audrey: Indeed…
Audrey starts whispering into Tiffany’s ear. Tiffany’s eye widened after hearing Audrey’s idea.
Tiffany: Art thou sure? Quite a stretch that idea is. But.. if it were to work… ‘twould be great…
Scene 3:
The setting changes to a bathroom, where Gondalo and his brother, Bucky, are working on getting Gondalo ready for his date night at the theatre.
Bucky: That bowtie looks very dashing, my good man.
Gondalo appears wearing a large suit vest. Gondola’s massive arms don’t fit inside his former suit, so they had to cut off the sleeves of the shirt, leaving his gigantus arms and unruly armpit hair visible.
Gondalo: Thank you, dearest brother, I would agree. My size XXXXXL large bowtie seems to fit very well. (Gondalo pauses) I’ve been inquiring. What if my lady doesn’t like me?
Bucky: Gondalo, what are you speaking of? Why, everyone adores you Gondalo! Anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool! Your pupils are very large and your armpit hair is very ripe. Like I said, anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool!
Gondalo looks into the mirror and admires his large image. And his luscious armpit hair
Gondalo: I suppose you're right! I am indeed very dashing!
Myrtle, their sister, appears to taunt Gondalo: Art thou delusional? There is no way anyone would believe you to be dashing! Mark my words, I will be correct!
Bucky: Go away Myrtle! Don’t listen to her Gondalo! She’s just your highly unpleasant 11 year old sister.
Gondalo checks his watch
Gondalo: My heavens! I’m late! I must get going!
Gondalo rushes out, his fat jiggling with him
Scene 4:
Gondalo runs onto stage, sweat sticking to his forehead, and in the folds of his neck. He is now in a panic to get going.
Gondalo: I am a few minutes late, but wherefore art my lady?
Gondalo sits outside of the theatre for a few minutes, before checking the lobby to see if Audrey arrived ahead of time. He checks everywhere, but Audrey is nowhere to be seen. Gondalo’s huge stomach starts to grumble. He waddles down the street to find somewhere to eat. While walking, he notices Audrey in a restaurant. She is on a date with the school jock, Theodore.
Gondalo: My goodness! My lady is dining with other company!
Gondalo walks into the restaurant and walks up to Audrey and Theodore.
Gondalo: Why art thou eating without me? You didn’t arrive to our date? What is the reason for this?
Audrey: I don’t like you Gondalo! You are a disgrace to my presence! Be gone, fool! (Audrey turns to Theodore) Thou really thought I would dine with such a fool! Haha, I shall never!
Audrey & Theodore: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Gondalo (crying): I believed you to like me! Why am I so disgraceful?
Gondalo waddles away with tears staining his sweaty face
Gondalo: Audrey is right, I am a disgrace! I cannot think of what to do!
Gondalo thinks for a second. Wondering what would let Audrey love him. Suddenly, he gets an idea.
Gondalo: I’ve received an idea so incredible it must have fallen from heaven itself! I shall go to the gym and work out!
Scene 5:
We are now in a classroom. Tom is found doing homework at his desk. Audrey walks up to Tom, crying.
Tom: Audrey?
Audrey (crying): Gondalo hast hit me! When I t’was late for our date, he began shouting, and then raised his hand and struck me!
Tom (in disbelief): Why would my good man do such a thing?
Audrey: The man was speaking of my tardiness as an attack on his supreme manliness! I couldn’t quite make out what he was speaking of!
Tom becomes visibly upset
Tom: I ought to take it up with my man.
Scene 6:
Gondalo toddles across town, until he comes across a large building called the gym
Gondalo: This hast to be thy gym. I must purchase a membership!
Gondalo enters the gym and trudges up to the desk, panting from all the hard work it took him to get there
Gondalo: Hello there, I would like to purchase a membership here! Here's my card!
The gym worker behind the counter takes Gondalo’s card, only to see that it declined
Gym worker: My enlarged fellow, your card hast declined.
Gondalo: I beg your pardon, why has mine card declined?
Gym worker: It seems as if there is a mere $5 in thou bank account, you cannot afford a membership to the gym.
Gondalo: I suppose I shalt do this the old fashioned way.
Gondalo walks outside and tries to run. He soon realizes that he is unaware of how to run. Gondalo googles a tutorial on wikihow
Gondalo: ah I see…
Gondalo starts running. He makes it 20 steps before he is on the ground, having trouble breathing. Yet, Gondalo gets up and tries again.
Gondalo runs off stage
Scene 7:
Tom is in a classroom, seated when Gondalo walks in. Tom turns away, giving Gondalo a glare.
Gondalo: Tom? Why art thou not speaking to me?
Tom: I shalt never speak to you after what you hast done!
Gondalo: I’m unaware of what hast been done. Please enlighten me
Tom: You struck Audrey! She did no harm to thou!
The whole class looks at the two friends
Student 1: Nay, brethren hast been trippin’
Student 2: My heavens! Did Gondalo truly strike Audrey over a mere quarrel?
Gondalo: I beg your pardon, I haven’t struck anyone! Audrey t’was late for our date and then rejected me, calling me a disgrace! I did not raise even a finger against my Dutchess!
Tom: Audrey hast told me herself that she was harmed by thou.
Gondalo: T’would be insane of myself if I had harmed a lady over such a misunderstanding.
Tom: I suppose that would make sense. Audrey hast always disliked thou…
Gondalo: Excuse me?
Tom: I mean, yes, you must be correct. My apologies, fine gent.
Gondalo: ‘Tis all good, friends once more?
Tom: Friends once more.
Scene 8:
(Time skip) Months later we see Gondalo again. He’s much skinnier, yet has some excess skin sagging from his stomach. Gondalo can afford a gym membership, and works out every other day. Gondalo is currently at school, walking with Tom to science class, when he spots Audrey
Tom: There ist thine lady!
Gondalo: Shalt I speak to the dutchess?
Tom: Indeed! You are more than irresistible now, only a fool would reject such handsomeness!
Gondalo walks up to Audrey
Gondalo: Good e’en lovely lady, may I have the pleasure of taking you to dine?
Audrey: Gondalo? That shall not be you? You are so… fit and wow, how handsome.
Gondalo: I know, would thy take pleasure in seeing my guns?
Audrey: Well of course.
Gondalo shows his large and muscular biceps
Audrey (lying): Gondalo, I have just broken up with Theodore, would thou enjoy a viewing at the theater with me?
Gondalo: Well, let me determine that in mine head…um… since I am very muscular and handsome now, my answer will most definitely be… no, I don’t go out on dates with trash bags. I shall be going.
And Gondalo lived happily ever after, fit, getting every girl he wants, is the most attractive guy in school, and still has his ripe armpits