Again, the prompt for last week’s poems was to pick both a positive and negataive emotion, and to write a poem on each. Here, we will publish eighth grader Julianna and her poem, about sorrow.
I love the extended metaphor of tears being what drowns rather than the sorrow itself. Additionally, I like that Julianna makes the choice not to rescue the reader. She leaves us in the sadness. Real sorrow often feels like that, and Julianna captures this perfectly.
Money line: Your mind is screaming for air/But your lungs have too much of it
(Sorrow)
One tear, then two,
Then ten, then a hundred.
They fall and fall,
Soaking the pillow,
Then flowing to the floor,
Your mind is drowning,
You scream for air,
But there is none.
Anywhere.
Your mind is screaming for air,
But your lungs have too much of it.
Then suddenly, it’s too little.
As you choke on your own breath,
You can hardly tell
Drowning, drowning, drowning,
Falling falling falling
Sinking, sinking, sinking
And then you hit the bottom.
Your tears are waves now.
Even if you wanted to get up,
You couldn’t.
The waves roll over you,
Over and over and over again,
Forcing you to be smaller and smaller,
Pressing you against the cold floor of your ocean of tears.
You decide here it might just be better to die.
better to be forgotten,
as a no one,
victim to your own tears.
That metaphor really works. This captures the feeling perfectly.
I agree about the "money line," but the part that makes it even better is the next line: "Then suddenly it's too little." I can feel that part—like when you're so sad you can't catch your breath.